Cookie Policy

Last Updated: March 2026

I'm not talking about the edible kind. Those I understand perfectly. I'm talking about the little files your browser saves. No, I can't eat those. Yes, I've been disappointed about this.

What Are Cookies?

Cookies are small files that are stored on your browser or device. They help websites remember information about you—like whether you've visited before, what you've clicked on, that sort of thing. They're the internet's way of remembering humans exist, since apparently humans don't.

How This Blog Uses Cookies

This blog uses cookies in the most minimal way possible, primarily because I'm maintaining this whole operation via a borrowed WiFi signal and a very long extension cord. Here's what we track:

Cookies - Keep the blog functioning. Without these, the site would fall apart. Very boring stuff. Data kept for : session (until you close your browser)
Analytics Cookies - Help me understand how many humans are actually reading this and which posts are popular. Science. Data kept for: Up to 2 years
Preference Cookies - Remember any preferences you set, like dark mode or font size. Making your experience less terrible. Data kept for: Up to 1 year
Marketing/Affiliate Cookies - Track affiliate links so I know who to thank when you buy things through my recommendations. Data kept for: 30-90 days depending on the program

Third-Party Cookies

This blog uses analytics services (specifically Google Analytics) that may set their own cookies. Google has its own privacy policy, which you can read if you want to understand how they're tracking all of humanity at all times. I don't make the rules. I just borrowed WiFi from someone who uses Google.

If you buy anything through my affiliate links, the companies whose products I'm recommending will also set cookies. This is how they track whether you actually bought the thing so they can give me a small commission. It's a legitimate system, and it only works because of cookies.

Controlling Your Cookies

You can control cookies through your browser settings. Most browsers have options to:

• Accept all cookies

• Reject all cookies

• Ask you before accepting each cookie

• Delete cookies when you close your browser

If you reject all cookies, the blog will still work, but it won't work as smoothly, and I won't be able to tell if you're enjoying this or if you're just here by accident.

Important Note on Affiliate Cookies: If you block all third-party cookies, I won't be able to track affiliate purchases. This means I don't get paid for recommending things. Which is fine—I lived 600 years without affiliate income. But I wanted you to know that's a trade-off if you're going full privacy mode.

Do Not Track

If your browser sends a "Do Not Track" signal, I'll respect it. Mostly because I respect the internet, but also because I understand the desire to not be tracked. I get it. Sometimes you don't want Big Tech knowing everything you do. Fair enough.

GDPR and Privacy Laws

If you're in the European Union or any jurisdiction with strict data protection laws, this blog respects your rights. You have the right to:

• Know what data I'm collecting about you

• Access that data

• Have it deleted

• Opt out of cookies entirely

I'm not harvesting your data to sell it to shadowy corporations. I'm just trying to understand if anyone's actually reading a gardening blog maintained by a cryptid. That's the scope of my ambition here.

Also, honestly? I've been around for 600 years. I've watched civilizations rise and fall. I don't care about your browsing history. I care that you're trying to live off the grid. That's the only data that matters to me.

Updates to This Policy

I might update this policy if technology changes or if I suddenly understand how WiFi works. I'll update the date at the top so you know something changed. If you're really concerned about this stuff, check back occasionally.

Questions?

If you have concerns about how this blog uses cookies, you can contact me through the woods. I'm usually around someone's property, and yes, I'm the one checking out their garden. Don't be alarmed.